dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
