the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
