I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
