yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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