Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
