we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
