I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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