Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
