i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The beer is more important than you right now.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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