wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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