So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
