He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
