i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
