I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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