i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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