So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
