I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
