There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
