he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
