a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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