Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
