She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
