dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize