Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
