No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
