He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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