Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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