did you get engaged???
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
