Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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