It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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