Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
