She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
