I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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