Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
