and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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