Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Non-Jews are for practice
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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