guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
