Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
