He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
