I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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