this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
