I will die if light touches me.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
