I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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