he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
