Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
