We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Are we still banned from the library?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
