She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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