have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i out mim tonsoeep
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