I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Someone shattered a urinal.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
