Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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