i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
